Angels

I spent the weekend at a Women's Retreat and had an amazing time!  I am not one to get caught up in all the typical superficial emotional drama of the weekend.  I go to relax, build friendships and draw near to God.  I am also not one to share what I will be sharing today...it is very private.  But I know that all of you will keep it in closest confidence and will pray.
Martin and I have been asked numerous times if we will adopt again or if we are "done".  Our answer is always a resounding "YES!".  However, truth be told, I am not convinced this is God's plan for us...I want to be done...I have enough on my plate!  I still pray that God will show us very clearly if he has more children for us...as I tremble.  This topic was heavy on my mind this weekend.  As I sat at one session a woman from St. Lucia walked past me.  I felt an immediate,strong connection, as though God was trying to tell me something.  I had no idea what it was, but was determined to talk to this woman at some point.  Later that weekend she shared about a child she sponsored from Haiti.  The moment Haiti was mentioned I felt what I describe as the gust of angels wings rushing towards me.  I gasped, lifted my hands to my head and grabbed by hair and said "Oh my!, Oh my!". As tears rolled down my cheeks the gal beside me asked if I was OK.  Of coarse I was!  NOT!  I'm still not convinced that we should adopt again, but know without a doubt that Haiti will be a big part of our future.  I am afraid.  I have many doubts.  Our boys are very "done" with having more siblings and would prefer for life to stay the way it is!
I did not realize how deeply I was being convicted about adoption until I sponsored another child through World Vision.  I turned to a friend and said "There!  Now I have 4 kids, and sponsor 4...Now God can leave me alone!"  Someday I will laugh at this and see my foolishness, but for now it is a real fear!  However, for now, with all the uncertainties, doubts, and fears, I will focus on God and all he has done for me!