Monday, May 2, 2011

Angels

I spent the weekend at a Women's Retreat and had an amazing time!  I am not one to get caught up in all the typical superficial emotional drama of the weekend.  I go to relax, build friendships and draw near to God.  I am also not one to share what I will be sharing today...it is very private.  But I know that all of you will keep it in closest confidence and will pray.
Martin and I have been asked numerous times if we will adopt again or if we are "done".  Our answer is always a resounding "YES!".  However, truth be told, I am not convinced this is God's plan for us...I want to be done...I have enough on my plate!  I still pray that God will show us very clearly if he has more children for us...as I tremble.  This topic was heavy on my mind this weekend.  As I sat at one session a woman from St. Lucia walked past me.  I felt an immediate,strong connection, as though God was trying to tell me something.  I had no idea what it was, but was determined to talk to this woman at some point.  Later that weekend she shared about a child she sponsored from Haiti.  The moment Haiti was mentioned I felt what I describe as the gust of angels wings rushing towards me.  I gasped, lifted my hands to my head and grabbed by hair and said "Oh my!, Oh my!". As tears rolled down my cheeks the gal beside me asked if I was OK.  Of coarse I was!  NOT!  I'm still not convinced that we should adopt again, but know without a doubt that Haiti will be a big part of our future.  I am afraid.  I have many doubts.  Our boys are very "done" with having more siblings and would prefer for life to stay the way it is!
I did not realize how deeply I was being convicted about adoption until I sponsored another child through World Vision.  I turned to a friend and said "There!  Now I have 4 kids, and sponsor 4...Now God can leave me alone!"  Someday I will laugh at this and see my foolishness, but for now it is a real fear!  However, for now, with all the uncertainties, doubts, and fears, I will focus on God and all he has done for me!


1 comment:

Paige said...

Oh how I can relate to your anguish! I told God, if he wants us to adopt again he will have to drop a child in my lap! And yet, it tugs at my heart continually. I want a clear sign like this... it was very clear the first time and very comfortably obvious the second time. It overwhelms me.

If you have any questions regarding adoption from Haiti, let me know... my best friend is in the process right now and going through a very small and unknown orphanage (her Canadian cousin runs it) and it has been fairly smooth sailing for them. Their newest daughter is beautiful! She has a blog.

http://nausfamily.blogspot.com/