Wednesday, July 27, 2011

On Saying "Good Bye" and Grief...(from my perspective)

Kathy, Owen and Kiannah left for VA Monday afternoon.  I know they were excited to be heading home and all that is familiar.  I don't blame them....


....But...we are all very sad to see them leave and it has made me downright grumpy!  Getting back into our normal routine has been difficult.  I am unmotivated to do anything.  In the previous 12 days we had already said goodbye to Andrew, Ben & Alison, and Mark.  Saying "goodbye" to Kathy and her kids was the last straw.  I cried!  I miss these guys incredibly, and REALLY wish we all lived a little closer!  Knowing we will likely not see them for at least 2 years only makes matters worse!  I know this may sound a little extreme or even weird.  I will try to express what has been going on...

I am not a super emotional gal and the way I feel is not new to me, and I recognize it for what it is...grief.  Grief is an ugly monster that raises it's despicable head at the most unexpected times and sends me flying onto my backside.  Losing my parents hurt and every time I say another "goodbye", even though it is only temporary, I hurt all over again.    I know these people understand how we feel and it is easy to talk about our loses with them.  Perhaps that is what makes it so difficult...not everyone "gets it".  Being surrounded by people that "get it" makes life that much easier.  Perhaps that is why I grieve. 
For me, grief shows it self in many ways...being unmotivated, sad, crying, tired, and even anger.  I have never been angry at God, but rather at his children.  So many people pray...which is great...but prayer without action is sometimes meaningless.  It is like praying a prayer of blessing over a hungry child, but then walking away with the huge loaf of bread in your hand.  It is at times like these that I need more than prayer.  I need someone to call me up and say "come on over" or "let's get together for lunch". 
As you all know, I have a heart for orphans and even though I am technically an orphan, I have never considered myself to be one.  Afterall, I have all that life could offer...a personal relationship with Jesus, a loving, supportive husband, wonderful kids, food, shelter, clothing...and the list goes on.  This past week I have come to realize...yes it is difficult for independant me to admit...that I. am. an. orphan!  And as such I need, at least on occassion, to have someone "look after" me. (James 1:27)
I have also realized once again that Jesus will not leave me as an oprhan (James 14:18)...that HE IS the one I can count on to listen to me, to comfort me, to love me!  And for that I AM GRATEFUL!!!

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