Saturday, October 17, 2015

Our Journey to Wren-Part II

It's been a super crazy week!  We've been frantically paper chasing, in a rush to possibly be able to travel in November.  The biggest obstacle at the moment is still citizenship.  We still haven't heard back from our MP.  :(  On top of all that, our internet has been sporadic and I actually had a complete meltdown about it one day.  I know that sounds pathetic, but it was the straw that broke the camels back.  We rely heavily on our internet for our schooling and every moment it doesn't work means the kids can't work...causing tons of stress.
Anyhow, on to the second part of our journey to Wren...
 As many of you know, I wanted to adopt for what seems like forever.  It took years, and years of praying, discussing, research, informing (mostly me informing hubby about all things related to orphans), and downright begging on my part.
After my Dad passed away after a short battle with cancer, I was crying and angry.  Angry that I was living a regular, boring ole life.  I REALLY wanted to live a life that was more than a life lived for my own benefit.  Something about losing my Dad made both Martin and I see that life here on earth is in fact very, very short.  Long story short, we decided to adopt.

After arriving on Canadian soil with Malia, we vowed to NEVER, EVER go to China again!  It was a very overwhelming experience for these country bumpkins!  Needless to say, that didn't last long.  Two weeks later we looked at each other and said, "Let's do this again!"  A year and a half later Raina joined our family.  And Martin was done!  He felt our family was complete, that we had enough on our plate.  I wasn't so sure. There was something that kept nagging at me; telling me we had another child waiting for us. Two and a half years later, after much praying, talking, and begging; Jackson arrived to join our family.

Martin was DONE!!  He was 110% convinced that our family WAS complete!  No ifs, ands, or buts about it!

I still felt we had another child out there.  But this time I felt God telling me to be silent.  We still talked about adoption and many times Martin's big, soft heart was more than willing to adopt...but then reality hit.  And every time he came to the same conclusion...we were done!  Our family was complete!  When we did talk about adoption, Martin would always talk about an older child.  I felt that was ridiculous!  Who in their right mind would do that!?!  We knew the trauma that comes from adoption. We knew the struggles of bonding.  We knew a lot about all things related to adoption.  Adopting an older child was simply not on my list!

Having said all that, I really do need to backtrack a bit to some important details that happened over the years.  During the times that I was the one wanting to adopt and Martin was the reluctant one, I kept hearing God's voice tell me that I best be ready.  Ready for the day that Martin would be the one pushing for an adoption. Ready to go out of my comfort zone.

The other important detail is this...with each of our adoptions, God has graciously given me a word that either describes our child, or our situation at that time.

With our first adoption, I was terrified.  We had heard all the adoption horror stories and I worried that we were getting ourselves into a great big mess.  The word God gave me was "peace".  Not only did it help me to trust Him and have peace, but it also accurately describes Malia's presence in our family.  She has adjusted amazingly well and really exudes peace.

With Raina's adoption, the word was "joy".  Well, for anyone who  knows Raina, you know she is a pure delight!  Her entire adoption process took less than 9 months from first home study to arriving home.  It was a relatively smooth process from start to finish.

For our third adoption, we were wanting to adopt 2 boys.  The word I had was "defend".  It is a very fitting word to describe the entire adoption process and our family journey after that.  We have had to make some difficult decisions to defend our family.  It was also a time where our understanding of defending the cause of the orphan really took on new meaning.

The interesting thing is that I only had one word, not two.  I recall mentioning this whole word thing to a friend, and she made a comment that stuck with me.  She basically said something along the line of, "Well, it'll be interesting to see if God gives you 2 words".  I left her house and immediately knew what the word was.  It was "courage".  I knew it would take a lot of courage to bring home 2 boys at the same time, but somehow something just didn't feel right.  We had provincial approval, and even had our agency send a second proposal.   However, our province refused to allow us to proceed with the second proposal because in Canada we can not adopt 2 non related children at the same time.  To this day I have no idea why we were originally given approval.  Jackson came home and I wondered about the meaning of the word "courage".

Fast forward to May of 2015.  Martin and I travelled to BC for a Together for Adoption Conference.  It was a fantastic time of learning, connecting, and encouragement.  Martin was deeply touched by this conference.  Something changed in him.  God our Father reached down and took all those fears and reservations away. 

A few weeks later, with tears in his eyes, Martin came to me and said this, "God spoke to me.  We have another child waiting for us.  She's an older child".

What could I do?  I couldn't balk at his conviction.  I couldn't argue with what God had whispered to him.

 Long story short, we began the process again.  Our range of acceptance for this adoption was very different than ever before.  Never before had we been willing to adopt an older child with special needs such as CP or Spina Bifida. 

This should have terrified us.  We should have been shaking in our shoes.

But we didn't.  Instead we had an incredible peace.  And we still do!

You see folks, our precious Wren doesn't walk.  There is a good possibility that she will someday, but there's no guarantee.  We are preparing to welcome Wren with open arms even though at this point our home is not wheelchair accessible or even wheelchair friendly.  There is a very good chance that we will have to do some major renovations.  At this point we've decided to wait and see, before we start knocking down walls.  And if we have to sell and find a more wheelchair accessible house, we are willing to do that!

We have an incredible peace that passes our human understanding, and somehow in it all, God has given us a courage that leaves us shaking our heads, wondering how in the world we could possibly have the courage to adopt an 11 year old with CP!

This "courage" isn't a courage that comes from our own resilience or strength.  No, it's a courage that comes from our all powerful God who never wavers or falters at any difficult thing!  We are incredibly grateful for a God that loves us like this!


Anonymous said...

Sobbing at your journey to Wren!
What a beautiful addition to a beautiful family.

Chantel Klassen said...

And more tears. I love how Martin got such a clear word from the Lord!