Lately I've really been contemplating God's will in my life. In particular the whole topic of having more children. Two weeks after we met Malia, Martin and I looked at each other and said "let's do this again!" We both felt that way for 5 months. In January I started from scratch again and began researching various adoption options. The intensity with which I pursued this scared Martin and since then he is not sure that we should adopt again. I am realizing that God does not need my help in making it happen, although I still sometimes think I should help Him out! :) I still feel, with every fibre of my being that adopting again is God's will. Perhaps I am trying to do it in my time and am not waiting for God's timing. In the past week Martin is once again thinking perhaps we should. He has been praying the entire time and I know God will show us what His will is. . . its just soooo hard to be patient!
The other thing I really do NOT understand, is that if God does want us to adopt again. . . why choose us??? I understand why He would chose Martin. He is an awesome Daddy and loves his kids to bits! I couldn't ask for a better father for our children. It's my abilities that I doubt. I am very impatient, and am not the real "motherly" mother! I wish I was more compassionate, gentle, patient, and the list could go on and on. . . One thing I do know, is that for some reason He has laid it on my heart to adopt, which is truly from Him alone!
On a bit of a different note. . . once again we are keeping our thoughts about adoption relatively private, sharing only with close family and friends, so I would appreciate it if my thoughts were kept in confidence. Thanks!
2 comments:
I understand completely! I feel the call of adopt as you know... but there are days I wonder why!!! There are days I can hardly wait... life is hard and parenting is hard and adoption is hard! But we need to obey God's will and we will be blessed and our children will be blessed. Are you looking somewhere other than China now?
Paige,
We basiclly started by looking at every possibility, same as the first time around. At this point we are still leaning towards going through the Waiting Childrens Program with FOI. We have looked into the Phillipines, Africa,etc, but would really like another girl (for Malia) and that is one of the benefits of China and adoption itself, as odd as it sounds.
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