It has been weeks since I last posted. I have been meaning to post but the past month or so has been a difficult one. There have been many changes in our life...most are good for us...but it is so hard! I do not want to go into great detail...I do not want to complain or sound ungrateful...but sharing helps my aching heart...
We are in a time of change in many areas of our lives.
We have been looking for a new church. A church which will meet the needs of our children. I have struggled with leaving a church that is biblically sound...a church that focuses on what is important. We had only attended our current church for a few years and is difficult to once again leave. Sometimes it feels as though that is all we do...attend a church for a few years and then leave. I don't regret leaving any other church, but this time I am sad. Leaving has always meant growth for us whether it was leaving the traditions and legalism behind or leaving false teachings. I pray that will be the case again, even though we had a biblically sound church. Sometimes I really don't understand God...
Our circle of friends is also changing. It is too difficult to expand...it hurts...it is a lose.
One of our precious kids is struggling to understand his value. All I want to do is hug him close and never let anyone torment him again. After many sleepless nights, hours of prayer, and many discussions, we have decided to home school him till Christmas and then we will reassess. I am so NOT ready for this! I know I have the qualifications...but quite frankly it is not what I want to do. I had planned on spending my days preparing for the arrival of our little boy, spending many delightful hours with Raina, and enjoying nap time to it's fullest! We have huge changes coming to our family...and I had planned to be prepared...
Due to homeschooling, I will not be going back to teaching this year. I had planned to sub as much as possible until Christmas. I had planned to earn some much needed money for our adoption. That will not happen...and I worry...
I've always know that large families are frowned upon and our situation is no different. It hurts when people laugh at the thought of us driving a huge vehicle(honestly think I would add lift kit and some serious chrome...lol!) Most people don't actually say anything, but it is in their actions...it is in what they don't say. I feel so alone. We feel so alone. We cling to God like never before! He has proven to be a faithful friend. We find comfort in the following verses..
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on you own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5
"I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
I am excited and terrified to meet our new addition. Some days I'm not sure how we will manage. I have moments of being scared...fighting off the "what ifs" and the unknowns. But for the most part finally being able to meet our little boy is what motivates me...makes me smile...and brings me joy. Come to think of it...it is my kids and hubby...my God...my true friends...that make my life...all that I believe in...worth fighting for!
6 comments:
HUGS :(
I don't know if you have your homeschool material, but some things I have finally found that is more independant for Owen. We are using Teaching Textbooks (math) it is a computer based program, meaning minumum teaching, etc for me and then we are using analytical grammer for his language, (not sure if there is a cd for this or not, but it is the best out there in my opinion) there is an computer program called switched on schoolhouse, but lots of moms don't like it (so we opted for the analytical grammer). I will be using abeka for spelling and story of the world for history...hope some of these help you.
give me a call sometime. Love you. praying for you guys.
LOVE YOU! HUGS
Kathy
Wow, sounds like you've got some big life changes going on Marie! We are on a similar journey in many aspects. I'll be subbing a bit this year but if there is ever a time you need to get some work done or just need a break I would gladly watch your girls. Raeca loves kids a few years older than her. And if you ever want to get together and chat I'm good with that too.
Praying for you!
Change is always hard, but it sounds like you have it coming from all angles right now. That's REALLY tough! When you have the homeschool thing figured out a little bit, try to have him have his quiet time in his room the same time your daughter is napping. Homeschooling moms especially need some time to rest and refresh to get through the rest of the day! I know that might be really hard to do as you will be able to focus on him more during nap time, but for your sanity (and relationship with him)'s sake, if you can do it even 2-3 times per week where you have an hour, even 1/2 hour will really help. I hope you find a new church family that is very supportive of the vision your family has. {hugs}
Life is hard sometimes... that is how we grow! I am sorry one of the kids has been dealing with Bullying, I hope it makes him strong and not tear him down too much. Hopefully, the homeschooling will give him the peace he needs at this time.
I get the large family thing. I am so tired of the stares and comments. We are kind of alone, and yet for us, it just feels right too.
I am excited to see your little boy join your family.
God is always in control.
Someday I will meet all of my bloggy friends...you are all so encouraging!
Kathy, I will call to get more details, although our division and school have been very support in supplying texts, etc.
Chantel, we really need to get together!
Denise, I will be finding some down time. Alex loves to read for hours on end so that will be his "guiet time" and my "sanity time". lol!
Paige, we too feel so very right with our expanding family...it is certainly a God thing!
Hi Marie, just catching up on the blog roll.
Love the new look...hope the formatting things get sorted out.
Hoping that whatever it is your boy is dealing with will pass soon. Been through bullying with my own son around the same age and it is NOT easy! Call, even if its just to vent!
If you need any help I have a great local contact for home schooling; big family too and home schools all the kids! Joanne will really get where you are at and she is awesome at sharing ideas, materials, and is connected with the homeschooling culture, etc.
Let me know if I can be of some help?
Praying that your adoption process goes smoothly despite the current struggles...
-Christina-
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