Friday, August 16, 2013

What "Adjusting Well" Looks Like

As I mentioned in my last post, I had an almost 9 hour layover in Vancouver.  It was long.  However, I was blessed to have 3 of my sister-in-laws...well 2 sister-in-laws and one soon to be sister-in-law, which we are incredibly excited about!! me at the airport.  It was wonderful chatting with them and catching up...seeing Alison's lovely baby bump in person.  That girl rocks that baby bump and simply glows!  A great big "thank you" to Alison, Lu, and Darlene.  I so appreciate the effort.  It is a long drive just to see a tired lady and her little man for a few hours. :)

I also want to take the time to publicly thank all the people that helped Martin out while I was in China.  Thanks to those that watched the kids, weeded my garden, picked and processed my peas, beans and raspberries and left meals.  I do not know how to adequately thank has meant the world to us! 
Thanks also to those that have brought meals and baking since I arrived home.  It has been a live saver!!  It has been so wonderful to have a home cooked meal after dragging my feet through another day. 
As I've mentioned before, Jackson is adjusting well.  Please do not interpret that to mean that everything is honky dory!  Cause it's not!  Adjusting well means that he is grieving.  He is crying.  A lot.  Mostly at night.  Sometimes for hours at a time.  It also means that he has taken a shine to his Daddy.  In fact he will rather go to his Daddy than to me.  It means he loves playing in the sandbox with his sisters.  It means he loves all the attention from his big brothers.  It means he hates the pool some days cause he's not too sure about all the splashing.  It means he is testing his boundaries.  It means he refuses to eat the foods we know he loves.  It means lots of crying at meal time cause the food isn't coming fast enough.  It means he has days of whining.  It means there is more sadness than joy. 
When another child joins our home it also means that all my other kids are adjusting.  The first few days are usually pretty good.  Everyone is excited with this new addition.  After about a week someone notices that she/he is getting less attention and begins to seek ways to get attention.  Always negative of coarse.  This means I spend a LOT of time dealing with misbehaviour from my other kids.  Lots of time outs.  Lots of "I'm sorry."  Lots of redirecting.  It is exhausting!! 
It also means that I am making every effort to ensure that each child FEELS loved, accepted, adored and valuable.  This means I have to be very creative cause it's usually not good enough to do this with another sibling around.  It too is exhausting!
And then I want time with my hubby.  Even though I've been home for 2 weeks, I still miss him!  We try to sneak in some "us" time after the kids are in bed, but that means staying up way later than we would like.  And that too is exhausting.
(trust me it is this "however" that keeps me going.  That helps me through another day.)
We've been here before.  We know the drill...although it doesn't make it easier.  Just more bearable.  We have a bit of an idea what to expect.  We see the light at the end of the tunnel.  We know that in about 3 months we will be able to breath a little more easily.  The meltdowns will lessen.  Jackson will be sleeping better.  We also know that in about 6 months this new normal will feel like it fits.  In fact it will feel very "right" and wonderful!
In fact, in 6 months my house should be cleaner...honestly that is one of the biggest things that causes me stress.  Mock me.  Tell me to let it go.  Tell me to relax.  But guess what?  It's who  I am.  It's how I'm wired.  I have relaxed a lot, let go of a lot, and am still learning to do more of that.  However, there is nothing that says peace and calm like an organized household.  For me, it saves time, money and meltdowns (usually from me ;).  It makes my world feel right, safe, and perfect.
So...if I tell you we are adjusting well...please don't forget to pray.  We still need it.  A LOT! 

PS:  Last night Jackson only cried once!!!  And I slept!  Yah!  He really likes having his Daddy at home and sleeps better after a day of having Daddy home. Jackson gets stressed when we run errands and I leave the vehicle.  So we are still trying to stay at home as much as possible.


Kathy said...

We are still praying...I so don't envy the transition period. I think that is what scares me the most. if fact just the other day we missed a placement by about an hour and although its exciting and we were somewhat disappointed at the same time knowing that we wouldn't be faced with the whole adjustment thing was very relieving.
praying that Jackson will continue to grieve in a healthy way so that he can then in turn adjust and attach to both of you and the kids in a healthy way. also that it won't take too long.
praising the Lord that Jackson only cried once last night (I think the night time wakeups are what make the rest so overwhelming).
And of course i'm jealous that you got to see the three ladies and I didn't :(

Denise said...

His adjustment sounds so much like G's. I can imagine that going through it for the 3rd time would help - it's like having your first child... you don't think the sleepless nights will EVER end even though everyone says they will. I didn't think our life would ever be back to normal. But it is, and like you said - it will be good. The trying to keep on top of the house even though you can't - I can so much relate! Even now! lol After a day of doing hair, it looks like I haven't cleaned/tidied anything for a month. It's impossible to entirely let go but again, this is something you know is only for a season as well. I'm glad that his adjustment (and your family's) while tough, is "normal". Hoping the sleeping thing gets better and better.