I've had something weighing on my heart a lot lately. Something that grieves me. Something that is dividing God's children.
I hope and pray that I can address this topic in a very sensitive, sensible, gracious and loving manner. Most importantly I hope I can address this topic in a way that would honor God, and be supported by God's word. I ask that you read this post very carefully. Please do not skim read it. I really want you to hear my heart, to understand what scripture says, to not judge, to be open to what God is telling us. If you have come here with an angry or hurt attitude, I ask that you please take a moment to spend on your own with God. I pray that you will come here with an open and forgiving heart that is ready to love as God has designed for us to love. If you have come here to prove a point, or if you have come here to look for fault...I ask that you please leave this page and find something better to do. You do not have to read this. It is your choice. I ask that you read this with an open and loving heart.
The division I am talking about is the topic of caring for the orphan.
Before I begin I would like to explain what I mean when I talk about the orphan and what is generally meant when the topic of orphans is addressed. An orphan includes any and all children that have lost both parents through death or other circumstances, any children that have biological parents that are unable, (for whatever reason) to care for their children. This includes, but is not limited to children within our foster care system, those available for adoption within Canada, children in orphanages around the world, children waiting for a forever family regardless of country. It refers to any child whose voice is voiceless or unheard. The child that can not defend him/herself.
First of all I would like to apologize to any of you whom I may have offended by being too harsh, too angry, too ungracious, too unforgiving. My intent has never been to hurt. My intent has always been to tell others about our God and about what I have learned. I am well aware that I can sometimes be a bit of a "bull in a china cabinet" when it comes to words. I tend to "shoot straight from the hip", which isn't always a good thing. That sometimes results in feelings getting hurt and for people getting defensive. And for that I am sorry. I honestly try very hard to be gentle with my words so that others will be drawn to God and the truths in His word. However, I will not apologize for offending when I have simply pointed out what scripture says. It is up to those that have been hurt and/or offended to decipher the difference.
Based on personal experience, I would suggest that there is a huge misunderstanding. When I say something, or when an orphan advocate says something it is often misunderstood. Let me give you a few examples...
*A number of years ago we were visiting with a couple about adoption. With enthusiasm and a huge grin I said, "You should adopt!" The couple interpreted it to mean that I thought less of them because they did not care/feel led to adopt. For years they were offended by that comment. What I meant was that I thought they had the perfect skills, loving home and had so much to offer. I meant they were more than qualified. The comment could have been interpreted as me having an incredible amount of respect and faith in this couple.
*When I say ALL Christians have a responsibility to care for the orphan, most people hear..."EVEYONE should adopt". I have never said everyone should adopt. Nor do I think everyone should adopt. We are all called to do something. What that looks like will be different for each one of us.
*When I say the Church needs to do more for the orphan, people often think I am directing it at their particular denomination, their church. I do not mean any specific denomination, I mean the body of Christ. I honestly believe that if we quit seeing our "church" as standing on it's own and saw ourselves as a part of the Body of Christ, a lot of misunderstandings and disagreements could be avoided.
*When I say the Church needs to do more for the orphan, people think I am pointing fingers saying they are doing nothing. I am not. Many people support the orphan through missions trips, Compassion, World Vision, by supporting an orphanage or by praying. I think we could agree that these are the most common ways the Church supports the orphan. If we search scripture, we can not deny that all of these things are wonderful. If you are doing these things...good for you! You obviously understand that we need to care for the orphan. What I am saying is this...that we can and should do more.
Now before you get all defensive and angry at me, and think I am judging you...hear me out. It is not my job to judge and that is not my intent. However, I do believe it is possible to look at a situation and say "we can and should do better/more" without judging. It is a call for us as a body of believers to seriously evaluate what we are doing, where we are successful, and where we are lacking. If you take a close look at what we, as a Church, commonly DO when we "DO" orphan care, you will see that it is generally quite limited to sending money or mission teams to another country. And as I stated before...this is awesome! However, we can not and should not limit ourselves to this. There is so much we can do even if we are not called to foster or adopt.
Recently Martin and I attended a workshop presented by Forever Families of Canada. They gave us a booklet put out by Focus on the Family. It is entitled Wrapping Around Adoptive Families. It is an amazing book that is very clear on how to help adoptive families. Although it focuses on how to help adoptive families, I believe the tips given, can and should be applied to foster families as well.
The basic concept of the book is to W.R.A.P around adoptive (and foster) families. W stands for "wrestle in prayer", R for "respite care" A for "acts of service", and P for "promises of God". You can find a complete copy of the book here:
http://media.focusonthefamily.com/pastoral/pdf/WRAP%20Booklet%20Web.pdf
There are two things that foster parents and adoptive parents often list as the most difficult things they encounter....feeling lonely and financial stress. I honestly don't think that any Christian really intends to contribute to adoptive/foster parents feeling this way. I'd like to think it is simply an oversight and a lack of understanding on how much help is really needed and also the lack of knowing how to help. Please understand that parenting a foster/adoptive child is not the same as parenting a biological child. Now that's not to undermine the difficulties of parenting bio kids. Any parenting is difficult. It's about bringing awareness and understanding.
I ask that you take the time to look at the booklet and also take the time to read the scripture passages below. They are in no particular order, but all relate to how we, as a Church should care for the orphan. (and please ignore the various fonts, etc...I was lazy and copy and pasted from various web sites) :)
James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
First of all I would like to apologize to any of you whom I may have offended by being too harsh, too angry, too ungracious, too unforgiving. My intent has never been to hurt. My intent has always been to tell others about our God and about what I have learned. I am well aware that I can sometimes be a bit of a "bull in a china cabinet" when it comes to words. I tend to "shoot straight from the hip", which isn't always a good thing. That sometimes results in feelings getting hurt and for people getting defensive. And for that I am sorry. I honestly try very hard to be gentle with my words so that others will be drawn to God and the truths in His word. However, I will not apologize for offending when I have simply pointed out what scripture says. It is up to those that have been hurt and/or offended to decipher the difference.
Based on personal experience, I would suggest that there is a huge misunderstanding. When I say something, or when an orphan advocate says something it is often misunderstood. Let me give you a few examples...
*A number of years ago we were visiting with a couple about adoption. With enthusiasm and a huge grin I said, "You should adopt!" The couple interpreted it to mean that I thought less of them because they did not care/feel led to adopt. For years they were offended by that comment. What I meant was that I thought they had the perfect skills, loving home and had so much to offer. I meant they were more than qualified. The comment could have been interpreted as me having an incredible amount of respect and faith in this couple.
*When I say ALL Christians have a responsibility to care for the orphan, most people hear..."EVEYONE should adopt". I have never said everyone should adopt. Nor do I think everyone should adopt. We are all called to do something. What that looks like will be different for each one of us.
*When I say the Church needs to do more for the orphan, people often think I am directing it at their particular denomination, their church. I do not mean any specific denomination, I mean the body of Christ. I honestly believe that if we quit seeing our "church" as standing on it's own and saw ourselves as a part of the Body of Christ, a lot of misunderstandings and disagreements could be avoided.
*When I say the Church needs to do more for the orphan, people think I am pointing fingers saying they are doing nothing. I am not. Many people support the orphan through missions trips, Compassion, World Vision, by supporting an orphanage or by praying. I think we could agree that these are the most common ways the Church supports the orphan. If we search scripture, we can not deny that all of these things are wonderful. If you are doing these things...good for you! You obviously understand that we need to care for the orphan. What I am saying is this...that we can and should do more.
Now before you get all defensive and angry at me, and think I am judging you...hear me out. It is not my job to judge and that is not my intent. However, I do believe it is possible to look at a situation and say "we can and should do better/more" without judging. It is a call for us as a body of believers to seriously evaluate what we are doing, where we are successful, and where we are lacking. If you take a close look at what we, as a Church, commonly DO when we "DO" orphan care, you will see that it is generally quite limited to sending money or mission teams to another country. And as I stated before...this is awesome! However, we can not and should not limit ourselves to this. There is so much we can do even if we are not called to foster or adopt.
Recently Martin and I attended a workshop presented by Forever Families of Canada. They gave us a booklet put out by Focus on the Family. It is entitled Wrapping Around Adoptive Families. It is an amazing book that is very clear on how to help adoptive families. Although it focuses on how to help adoptive families, I believe the tips given, can and should be applied to foster families as well.
The basic concept of the book is to W.R.A.P around adoptive (and foster) families. W stands for "wrestle in prayer", R for "respite care" A for "acts of service", and P for "promises of God". You can find a complete copy of the book here:
http://media.focusonthefamily.com/pastoral/pdf/WRAP%20Booklet%20Web.pdf
There are two things that foster parents and adoptive parents often list as the most difficult things they encounter....feeling lonely and financial stress. I honestly don't think that any Christian really intends to contribute to adoptive/foster parents feeling this way. I'd like to think it is simply an oversight and a lack of understanding on how much help is really needed and also the lack of knowing how to help. Please understand that parenting a foster/adoptive child is not the same as parenting a biological child. Now that's not to undermine the difficulties of parenting bio kids. Any parenting is difficult. It's about bringing awareness and understanding.
I ask that you take the time to look at the booklet and also take the time to read the scripture passages below. They are in no particular order, but all relate to how we, as a Church should care for the orphan. (and please ignore the various fonts, etc...I was lazy and copy and pasted from various web sites) :)
James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
Psalm 82:3
Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.
Job 31:16-18
"If I have denied the desires of the poor or let the eyes of the widow grow weary, if I have kept my bread to myself, not sharing it with the fatherless-- but from my youth I reared him as would a father, and from my birth I guided the widow--
Psalm 10:18
defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.
Psalm 10:14 A Psalm of confidence in God’s triumph over evil. “But you have seen, for You observe trouble and grief, to repay it by your hand. The helpless commits himself to You; You are the helper of the fatherless.”
Isaiah 1:17
Psalm 10:17-18 “LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause your ear to hear, To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, That the man of earth may oppress no more.”
Psalm 68:5 “A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation. God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in dry land.” He is concerned for those in need. Let us set our minds on Him and try to be more like him so that we can be used of Him to meet needs we can’t even see.
Isaiah 1:17
Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.
Jeremiah 22:3
Thus says the Lord: Do justice and righteousness, and deliver from the hand of the oppressor him who has been robbed. And do no wrong or violence to the resident alien, the fatherless, and the widow, nor shed innocent blood in this place
Psalm 82:4
Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked
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